Category Archives: frustration

Why I failed. 10 points…

I’ve given up on my screenplay. I hate giving up on anything. During my final screenwriting course session I reflected on why I failed.

1. I can always use the old excuse of life getting in the way. It has been especially busy for the last few weeks at work and participating in the Poetry By Heart competition, but you can always do things if you want to. However, teaching, more than any other job I’ve done, seems to drain you mentally and so I have time, just no brain space.

2. I didn’t love the story I chose. I wasn’t sold on it entirely and couldn’t figure out some of the characters.

3. I have been working on receiving criticism for the last few years. I used to be really bad at it, , but I know it’s a really important thing to get better at. However, I found the way the tutors gave me notes, was contradictory and unhelpful. I have realised that I need a lot of reassurance in my life.

4. I’m really not a writer. At all. I did finish The Hall last year when some friends and I did a writing competition, but it nearly killed me.

However, I have realised a lot of positives from the whole experience:

5. From doing the course, we have found out about a film production course at The Phoenix in May and June, which we may do and I think will be more my thing. I’ve also realised what a great place it is for getting involved, which will be really great when Joey lives here.

6. I have read some really nice books from the reading list. William Goldman and Stephen King have been great inspiration.

7. I’ve found a career I definitely don’t want to do.

8. I have realised that I was teaching screenwriting in a fairly conventional way. Although, maybe with more resources and variety. Two hours in a room with just one voice is tricky…

9. I’ve learnt all about formatting, which is very useful and really enjoyable.

10. It has been really nice doing something creative with Mark and seeing how much he enjoyed the process. I also really like his idea and hope he keeps working on ‘The Gloaming’.

I’ve also realised that I set myself big challenges and maybe I shouldn’t kill myself when I fail. It’s good enough just to try things.

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6. ‘Intolerance’ creative

Things I am intolerant to:

MSG
Kiwi fruits
Cat hair
Queue jumpers
People driving at 40mph in a 30 and 60 zone
Hyacinths
Shop keepers calculating incorrectly
Superbad
Hypocrisy
Lazy people trying to make you work harder
Ridiculously enormous fake breasts
Mushrooms
Baby octopi (to eat)
Liver (also to eat)
Royal blue
Lilac
Sexism
D H Lawrence
Michael Gove
Wordsworth
Torture porn horror
Sticky things
Orange tans
YouTube user comments
50 Cent
Keira Knightley

The ‘book’ is finished and other news.

I don’t like writing.  I think I have made this clear before.  But, for some stupid reason, I got talked in to writing a novel/novella/short story/pamphlet for November/first week in December.  I always like creativity, I always like to join in and I always like to finish things.  This often leads to stress and furious, frantic tapping of the keyboard.

Anyway, I’m done.

Bloody done it.

Bloody done it.

It’s called The Hall.  I only got to 12,000 words, but I’m fairly happy with it.  Let me know if you want a copy – don’t worry Ma, I’ve already sent you one.

Although I really don’t think I’m good at writing – like at all, I did enjoy the creative process.  I liked the initial thinking of ideas and I enjoyed the structuring.  I probably also would have enjoyed it a lot more if I didn’t have to do it at the same time as working during the busiest term of the year, having an observation week and feeling generally run down.

StuMo hasn’t finished.  He was the one that talked me into it in the first place.  Not impressed.

Anyway.  Doing that, along with a full-time job, did take up most of my free time, but I haven’t stopped doing film related stuff altogether, obviously.  I have started reading the Jack Cardiff autobiography that Uncle John gave me, which is enjoyable, if a little light.  My gorgeous friend Nat also came to stay a couple of weekends ago and gave me a great book on the representation of history in cinema.  While she was up we also did a bit of old book shopping (it helps to live above a second hand bookshop) and I bought a book about Mayer and Thalberg and a 1930s history of cinema.

Looking forward to this lot...

Looking forward to this lot…

As a side note, I have also booked tickets to see 9 to 5, the Dolly Parton musical with Madkin – too excited.